Milife

Believe

2012-01-22T20:09:00.000-08:00

Last night as I was journaling, I realized something I wanted to share with you. Life can be really really difficult. Obviously, that wasn't the part i just realized. And we live in a world where our expectations, whether they be of people or experiences are often too high. Hunter and I were joking the other day about Penn, saying "At Penn you set your expectations low and even then you might be disappointed." Kind of a depressing outlook, I know. But I can't help but wonder if we don't actually live by that. It's not uncommon to be disappointed by things and people and experiences that we had previously put our faith in. We expected it to be wonderful and it just didn't live up to those expectations. Or we trust someone to be there for us and they check out.

And call me crazy, but I don't like pain. It's not uncommon and probably even natural for me to shy away from things that may cause me pain. And I don't think I'm the only one. I think in the American culture we have been conditioned to draw back from the experiences that will hurt us. I wouldn't say it's a bad thing. But there are situations where this tendency does more harm than good. And I find my walk with faith is one. I have become so used to lowering my expectations, to hoping for only what I know has a good chance of happening, that now I find it difficult to hope for anything. Even snow days I don't let myself hope for because there's no way to know what's going to happen. I'd rather not hope and be surprised, than hope and be disappointed. This kind of terrifies me. I don't want to become so jaded that I no longer believe in anything. And I'm finding that that's who I've become. I have a hard time praying about things that are bigger than what I think are possible. And praying for a miracle? That's rare. I say I trust in God but do I really? Do I believe deep enough inside that whether I get the answer I want or not, God hears my prayers? Do I believe that he really works for the good of those who love him? Do I believe that he can do what I ask, regardless of how big? Do you? Because James says clearly that "when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind" How can I ask God for something I don't even really believe he can do? How can I claim that he ought to answer me because I threw it out there, when I have set my expectations so low that I don't even really believe he will come through. Because it's better to be happily surprised than disappointed. But is it really? I'm not so sure.

I want to believe in miracles. I want to believe in the people I love. I want to believe that God can heal my hurts. I want to believe that my prayers will be answered. I want to believe in a brighter tomorrow. I want to believe that the world isn't hopeless. I want to believe. And you know what? I think I do. I choose to believe. Even when the pain is too much for me by myself, even when the world seems too far gone, even when everything points to hopelessness. I believe. Mumford & Sons lyrics are brilliant in general. But one song speaks to this topic, they say: "Hold on to what you believe in the light, when the darkness has robbed you of all your sight." This I will do. God is good, even when my world suggests otherwise. He can perform miracles, he can do what I can not. So when my world is dark and there seems to be no hope, and when the sun is shining and I feel like I'm on the top of the world, I will hold on to what I know to be true, and He will get me through. God Bless.

Druggies

2011-11-28T17:46:00.001-08:00

I wanted to share something with you that has been grating on me lately. I was talking to a friend the other day and somehow it came up that they didn't like a certain group of people. When I asked the answer was "They're druggies." Does that bother you as much as it does me? When I think about it I realize how often we do this. I do this. Why is it that we are so casual about labeling people based on the choices they've made in their lives, their sins, ways of life? Why do we label people at all? He's a druggie, she's a lesbian, he's a hobo, she's a slut. Why do we base our opinions of people off stuff as shallow as all this? Why can't we push past the surface and get to know them for who they are? Maybe their sins are more obvious, maybe they even flaunt them, but being judgemental is not our duty, and if we are really honest with ourselves we are no better, even if it is more internal. That's another thing, Who are we to say one sin is higher than another? We're all level at the foot of the cross, right? So why do we make such a big deal of someone murdering and just brush off the arrogance in our own hearts? Why is it that we judge those who struggle with addictions when our hearts are full of anger? Do you get my point? It goes back to that verse in Matthew 7:3, "Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?" It's not my place to label others, it's not my place to judge whose sins are worse than my own. And if I'm honest, I struggle with this a lot. I long to love these people, to let everything else drop away until it is just me and them and my beautiful Jesus who died so that we might live. Not just me. Both of us. All of us. Sometimes I get so overwhelmed that Jesus would die for me, that I forget He died for the rest of the world too. There is absolutely nothing in the world like the realization that Jesus died for everyone I look at. I had a very special moment when it really hit me. I was standing at the front of my church serving communion, with the cup of grape juice and looking each person in the eye saying "The blood of Christ shed for you" And in that moment I had to fight back the tears as I realized and felt the enormity of that statement. So, and I say this for myself more than anyone, next time you're tempted to pass judgement remember that Jesus got up there on the cross and died for them too because he loves them dearly and longs for them to come running back into his arms. Is my judgement what is turning them away from the love of God?

Untouchable

2011-11-16T14:45:00.001-08:00

Last Friday I went to Chicago with two of my favorite people in the world. As we walked through the streets we passed numerous homeless people begging for money. Each and every time, my heart would break for them. How can one's life take such a turn against them that they end up on the streets? It's so typical for us to make judgements against these people. Why are they sitting there begging and not looking for a job? Why should I feel bad, they're probably a druggie, they did it to themselves, right? But really, who are we to judge? I mean sure some of them may have drug addictions. But there is no way to know for sure without talking to them. And they may have exhausted all their options with jobs or not have the ability to work. Do you understand how much utter humility it takes to admit that you can no longer make it on your own and subject yourself to the stares of everyone passing on the street assuming things about you that may or may not be true? And if they had someone in their life who was willing and able to care for them do you think they'd be there? There are so many things that could happen to land someone with out a home. Estranged relatives. Mental/physical disabilities. Bad luck. There may not be a clear reason even, somehow they're life just took a turn for the worse and they lost what they once had. While we were eating dinner in Chicago, I noticed a man in his sleeping bag right outside Subway, just laying on the sidewalk. As I watched him I noticed he was smoking a cigarette. And I could feel myself right away judging him. If he could buy a pack of cigarettes why could he not buy himself some food, or save up for something? But the more I thought about it, the more I sympathized with him. If I was living on the street, spending my days avoiding the stares, and yet wishing that just one person would treat me like a human again. Begging for money but also inside begging for someone to care. With no one to love or be loved by, and finding that for just a little while with that cigarette or that drink I could forget everything and be happy again, I can't say I wouldn't do the same thing. Who's to say that they don't use that drug as an alternative to the love we reject them everytime we walk by with out a word, or a smile, or just looking them in the eye? Is that really so much to ask?! Jesus loved the unlovable and touched the untouchable. I pray that someday we all learn to do the same. It could just change the world.

Times

2011-11-10T20:18:00.000-08:00

"i hear you say 'my love is over,
its underneath, its inside, its in between
the times you doubt me, when you can't feel
the times that you've questioned 'is this for real?'
the times you've broken, the times that you mend
the times you hate me and the times that you bend
well my love is over, its underneath
its inside, its in between,
these times you're healing
and when your heart breaks
the times that you feel like you've fallen from grace
the times you're hurting
the times that you heal
the times you grow hungry and tempted to steal
in times of confusion and chaos and pain
im there in your sorrow under the weight of your shame
im there through your heartache
im there in the storm
my love i will keep you by my power alone
i dont care where you've fallen, where you have been
i'll never forsake you
my love never ends, it never ends'"

I was talking to a friend today about life, and I got to thinking about how blessed we are that God is there for us regardless of our situation. The lyrics above are from the song "Times" by Tenth Avenue North and I've found myself clinging to it often. How amazing it is that we have a God who loves me through all of my successes and all of my failures. In a world that is so quick to judge and throw labels out, it's relieving to know that my God, my Father, my One Love, accepts me for who I am, he has made me beautiful and no mistake or wrong decision will ever take me away from his love. I find myself so often holding back, subconsciously knowing that He can't love me even seeing all of my inner most thoughts and desires. The thing is, he does. He loves me more than I could ever ask or imagine. I may not feel Him all the time, but he is always here. And tonight I rest in the security of knowing that regardless of what comes up and what situations I may face tomorrow, my Father is right beside me, loving me and holding my hand through it all.

Father, thank you for loving me unconditionally. I revel in you and long for you more everyday. Come near me and bring me near to you. I love you.

Renewal

2011-10-28T10:22:00.000-07:00

I leave today for a middle school retreat that I have the great honor of being a leader at! And I needed to write out my dreams for the weekend.

I want to love like Jesus did
I want to lead well
I want to be fully open to what God wants to do in and through me
I want to be a fountain of love and joy and everything good
I want a pure mind and heart
I want to connect to my beautiful girls through our mutual love for Christ
I want to inspire and be inspired
I want to be moved by the presence of God
I want to see God at work in the lives of these wonderful students
I want to be filled to overflowing with passion for Christ and his work
I want to be honest and real
I want to help create an environment where everyone feels they can be honest and real
I want to go crazy and have fun in a way that no one feels left out
I want to give my all everyday and push past the fah-tee-gyoo
I want to run more than I thought possible in 2 days
I want to sleep minimal amounts and still be in a good mood
I want to encourage and be encouraged
I want to hang out with Jesus and be reminded over and over how much He has done for me
I want to experience renewal to it's fullest through the immense love and power of Jesus Christ

The best part is that He can make all of this happen! I'm awe-struck again and again by the magnitude and awesomeness of our God! Thank you Father!

Why Bother?

2011-09-08T19:23:00.000-07:00

Paula and I at one of Hunter's cross country meets.

Last year this beautiful Croatian came to live with my family for 5 months as an exchange student. After that she moved to 2 other houses in our neighborhood before returning home in June. He name is Paula. In the year that she was here, we became closer than close. We argued more than I've ever argued with anyone. But we hung out all the time, talked about everything and laughed 90% of the time. We were perfect for eachother. Since she moved back to Croatia, there has been an empty place in my heart, that aches with longing to get back my other half. I didn't know it was possible to miss someone this much. I often find myself wondering, why? Why would God allow someone to come into my life, only to rip them away again? Why do I even bother getting close to people when they just walk out again? Why let them in when the pain of them leaving is so great? That's all people do anyways. They walk in your life only to leave again. I mean let's be honest. How many people will be a part of your life all the way through? Not many. So then, really why bother? Why risk getting close to someone when it just ends with heart ache? That's how I feel sometimes. More often than I'd like to admit really.

I've had many thoughts come through my head regarding that and I want to share them with you even though it doesn't stop the pain. It helps me to change my perspective. Paula did not come into my life just to leave it, just like Jesus did not come to this world just to die on the cross. Sure that was a HUGE part. But he came to show us how to live! To teach us and love us and enrich our lives. These people that come through our lives are similar. It may be painful when they leave, but the focus should not be on the pain but on the beauty they brought to us while they were here. The things they taught us, the joy they brought us, and the love they showed. A life without love, may be free of heartache, but it is also free of joy. We are people made for relationships. If we had lived just a few centuries ago I would probably never have met Paula. I need to see this as a blessing that I got to meet someone with whom I clicked so well and spent a year working through our differences and quirks and learning to love every imperfection. I learned so much and loved so much during that year and without it I would not be who I am today. I love thinking back on our times together and remembering all our little jokes and memories we shared. We'd stay up late talking about things that both did and didn't matter. She taught me to laugh at the most intense moment in movies, to love unashamedly, to hug far too often and quite spuradically. I still love her dearly and hope with all my might that we can continue our friendship long distance. But even if we can't I am greatful for our time together and the beauty and color she added to my life. I will never forget the memories we made.

"The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return." ~Moulin Rouge

Crazy but Possible

2011-08-31T20:11:00.000-07:00

You know those dreams, the really big ones, that you keep to yourself because you know they're impossible? I've got about a million of them. They seem so out of reach we don't even consider them as possibilies. Some of them are just fun to dream about, meeting Justin Bieber, traveling the world and playing music on the streets for money, or inventing some crazy product that does something stupid. But some of these rediculous dreams are legit. What if those huge dreams that seem so impossible to me and you, are dreams God has plans to fulfill? What if we could light our work places and schools with the love of God? What if we could break out of our comfort zone on a daily basis and be kingdom bringers in ways we didn't think possible? What if we could change the lives of our loved ones simply by living like these dreams aren't so out of reach? What if I could stop caring what people would think and love Penn and all its people to Jesus? What if I could stop doubting myself and believe that God has put me here for a reason? What if I could get out of my own little world and become a life line for seriously hurting people? What if I could let go of my worries and insecurities and just get up and change the world?

Is it all so far out there? God did not make a mistake when he put me in my family, in my church, in my school. He wasn't confused when he created me to have my strengths and weaknesses, my flaws and imperfections. He knows what He's doing. I may doubt myself a majority of the time, but God has a plan and a purpose for my life and He's given me what I need to fulfill it. It's true of all of us. Why do we spend so much time saying "I can't" and giving excuses for not being able to go after our calling. Seriously? Maybe I can't. But God can. And He says He will never leave or forsake us. So stop living like it's all about you, maybe it won't be comfortable, maybe you'll be stretched more than you thought possible. But we are not called to live comfortable lives. We are called to get off our butts and change the world. God will give you what you need to accomplish the dreams he has given you. Live like it. Because those dreams, the crazy ones that seem so rediculous that there's no way we could accomplish them, are just the right size for the God who created the universe.

Letter to Justin Bieber

2011-08-17T16:51:00.000-07:00

Justin,

I decided recently that I’m going to stop reading celebrity gossip, not that I read a lot of it, but it’s disappointing more often than not. I’d rather like who I like because I like them and not be swayed by their private lives. Although I guess they’re not all that private. I think that would be the worst part about fame, not having any privacy. Anyways, I think to be where you are it would be really easy to feel entitled. You worked hard to get where you are today, no one can deny that. But if we’re honest, no one deserves to be put in a position of fame, leadership, good fortune. Why do you get that huge platform while there are so many hurting and hopeless? You have God-given talent and it’s on you to decide what you do with it.

There are kids all over the world who love you and look up to you. That’s a heck of a lot of responsibility. It’s not rare for me to have days when I look at the expectations people have of me and want nothing more than to quit, to give up and run the other way. It’s so tempting; particularly on the days I don’t want to do all the work involved in fulfilling those expectations. And how do I know that who I am is who I want to be and not just who others want me to be? I have lots of inner-arguments about what I should and shouldn’t do and why. What stops me is this: I have the potential to change the world. I can change lives. I can help people through my gifting and my abilities. And every second I waste walking in a different direction I lose time I could be making a difference.

You are in a position to affect thousands of lives with every tweet, every word, every song. That’s huge! The responsibility can be, and probably should be a little overwhelming. No one can handle that weight on their own. But with the right support system, you could be one of the few young stars that survives their teenage years with your credibility intact. And yeah, you’ll make mistakes, say/do stupid things, everyone does. The character lies in how you respond. They say can change the world. I plan on being one of them. And you are in the prime position to blow everyone away and change lives. So many would give anything to be in your position, but they’re not. And you are. You’ve been given a gift, and there’s a large amount of responsibility that comes with it. Don’t squander it on petty, shallow things. Leave a legacy. Change the world!

Rebel

2011-07-05T13:12:00.000-07:00

If I could choose one word to describe myself it'd be 'rebel' not in the sense that when i'm given instructions I do just the opposite, but in what the world tells me I should be. I don't like people to tell me who i'm supposed to be or how i'm supposed to act. I don't like to follow the crowd or conform to be like everyone else. I am not one to choose one style and swear by it. I don't like just one type of music or one crowd of ppl. I see the stereotypes, and i live to prove them wrong.I don't want people to be able to look at me and figure me out, but at the same time I don't want to hide behind a mask. I don't want to be the center of attention, but neither do I want to blend in with the crowd. I live somewhere in the middle.

I don't like labels. If there's one thing I can't stand it's the idea of being normal. Maybe it's not so much the 'normal' as it is 'average' or 'mediocre.' I don't want to live that kind of life. I don't want to be just average. I don't want to judge everyone who is different than me. I don't want to be so close-minded that anyone would be foolish to argue with me. I don't want to be so self-righteous and degrading that I turn away people who are looking for answers. I don't want to be that girl.

What do I want? I want to be unique, to have my life mean something, to change lives. I want to dream big and achieve goals that seem impossible. I want to be on fire for God every day of my life, to be a catalyst in my environment. I want to change the world. I want to feed the homeless and clothe the naked, love the unloved and touch the untouchable. I want to question everything and wrestle with the mysteries of life. I want to poke and prod every area of my life, to test the very ground I stand on and see what holds firm and true. I want to be so full of God's love that it overflows into everything i do. I want each day to be filled with awestruck wonder and the God I serve and his creation, and to hunger for truth and justice, and to grow each and every day a little closer and a little more like Jesus.

Too big of dreams? Not at all: "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" ~Phillipians 4:13

Post-Camp Trama

2011-06-21T20:37:00.000-07:00

Ever had that experience that was just too good to be true? You go on a mission trip and realize God is calling you to be a missionary or work with the homeless. Or you go to camp and meet Jesus and realize your life has been incomplete up until that point and you suddenly have huge dreams for your life and you can't wait to share them with the world. And then you get home... and suddenly you don't know if you imagined the whole thing. You still feel whatever that goodness was inside of you, but it seems to lose its power as the environment around it changes.
It happens to me every time! I get in a mood where I am irritated at everything, and I try so hard to keep that camp-high but it so quickly becomes a post-camp-low. It's like you're at camp and it's so easy to believe that everything is right with the world and then you leave and suddenly there's pain and sin and evil again, and it can be seriously depressing. I was talking to my mom about it earlier and she pointed out that just about every time you're on a mountain top like camp or mission trips there is almost always going to be a valley following. And you know what? Satan knows it too. It's like he sits there waiting for us to falter just a slight bit and then shoves us down the mountain.

So how in the world are we supposed to deal with it? I've been wondering that myself. And the only thing I can come up with is that we don't have to. And I don't mean just let it go and wait for it to calm down. I mean My God conquered death. My God beat Satan. He beat the grave. My Jesus got up there on the cross and he died for every sin I ever commited and ever will commit. So why should I lay on the ground and let Satan trample me? Why should I put up with the lies he tells me? Why should I allow him to beat me down like i'm nothing. I am Megan Stevens, I'm a follower of Jesus Christ and I am a part of the Family of GOD! You just try to get me down!

Do you feel the weight of this? I'm not saying it's easy, believe me, it's a challenge. But when the same God that conquered death and the grave is on our side, we have no reason to fear. We have no reason to shy away. If we will lean on Him, who was and is and is to come, He will walk with us through the days when it seems like too much. He will hold us up when our strength is gone, and be with us through every hill, mountain and valley of our lives, and all we have to do is ask! I still struggle with 'post-camp trama' as I like to call it. But all I have to do is remind myself whose team I'm on. There is a God who loves me and sent His only son to die for me, and this may be tough, but My God? He's tougher.

"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you." ~Matthew 7:7

I am, You are, We are the Kingdom!

2011-06-19T09:51:00.000-07:00

This past week I got the most incredible chance to be a counselor at camp with Granger Student Ministries at Spring Hill! And what an amazing time it was. There was a lot of freaking out on my part as we were heading up there and even the first couple of days. What if my campers don't like me? What if I don't get along well with my co-counselor? What if I get in the way of my girls walks with God instead of leading them in the right direction? Those were just a few of the questions that nearly overwhelmed me leading up to camp. Looking back I realize I didn't need to worry as none of them panned out. But it was harder than it should have been for me to trust that God put me there for a reason and He had a plan in all of it.

Once my girls got there on Monday morning everything changed. I wasn't really sure how to lead these girls or get them to trust me, but somehow it worked out. It's amazing to see how God takes your weaknesses and strengths and uses then for His glory. If there was something I had no idea how to do or what to say, He'd either give me the words or bring someone else, typically Brandon Ellsworth my co-counselor, to take the lead on it. Some of my girls knew eachother to begin with, but it was such an awesome experience to see how He knitted us together throughout the week. At the beginning it was a group of girls who were maybe a litttle anxious and unsure but excited to see what would happen through the week. By the end, we were a little family, brought together by the life and death of Jesus Christ, who loved eachother like I wouldn't have believed possible in a weeks time. God really can take our brokeness and use it for His glory. He can take the things we don't believe ourselves capable of and strengthen us so that it's clear, no one but Him could do it. I believe that happened again and again this past week, for me as much as anyone.

My Co-counselor this week was another of the many ways God showed Himself to me this week.

Brandon is one of the coolest people I know. He's an incredible man of God whom I learned to respect very highly as the week went on. Brandon lead worship at GSM for a good part of the last year, so I already knew him from that. But I had no idea how the week would go since we didn't by any means know eachother well. It was such a great experience though. He happens to be a very talented musician which helped since I kinda like music. Seriously though, It was an honor to serve with him and get to know him and I would not have changed it for the world. Where I was unsure of what to do, Brandon took the lead and he did it like a pro. It was a blessing to have him as a co-counselor and to learn from in the places I was unsure.

Our group was incredible too. I had no way of knowing how amazing it would be to see a group of people so different and unique come together over the course of a week. I can only pray that the relationships formed this week will continue to grow and that these beautiful creations of God will learn to love and walk through life as Christ did. They may not know how special they are but I pray they never forget that they are loved. God did huge things in the lives of so many this past week, I ask that you pray that whatever seeds were planted continue to be watered and grow so that they may be a Kingdom Catalyst to all who come across them. God Bless!

Life's Disappointments

2011-04-22T15:32:00.000-07:00

It's easy as we go through each day, to allow the little things disappoint us. To be let down by the people we love or look up to, or the things we were counting on to make us happy, really isn't an easy thing to deal with. So many people live their lives searching, from one thing to another, looking for something that will finally satisfy them, that will fill that empty feeling inside of them, whether they acknowledge its existence or not. I, too, often find myself disappointed by little things, although they seem big at the time. It's such a struggle for me not let myself be pulled down by life's day to day disappointments. I've always been emotional, and it can be both a strength and a weakness, but too often I let myself be affected by the little things that don't necessarily matter. It's a good reminder for me, in those moments, to realize that those things should not be holding me up. It is not up to those things, or those people, to keep me satisfied. And I should not put them in a position where I depend on them.

Today, Good Friday, we pause in remembrance of a sacrifice so great it often brings tears to my eyes. God, King of Kings and Lord of Lords, sent his only son, one who was Him, who was perfect, to become man and walk with us on Earth. And at only 33, he went willingly to His death on the cross, mocked and beaten like a criminal. He went to that cross for us, for you and me. My Jesus, died on that cross, for my sins. "It was my sins that held him there, until it was accomplished, but this i know with all my heart, His death has paid my ransom" ~How Deep The Father's Love For Us. Those lyrics say it all. How could we be anything but greatful for a love so unconditional that God would come to earth to live and die for me, a sinner? And how could we depend on anything else to hold us up? If we place our hope in anything of this world, we will be disappointed, time and time again. But if we place our hope in Jesus Christ, the savior of the world, who died so that we might live, we will NEVER be let down.

Today we thank you Father, for the sacrifice you made for each and every one of us. We place our hope and trust in your love, so deep that nothing we do, or don't do may pull us away from it. We thank you for the pain and disappointments we face here, that remind us that this is not where we belong. And we thank you for your peace through our pain.

The Power of the Mouth

2011-02-17T19:21:00.000-08:00

The power to speak
and to sing
the power to laugh
and to cry
the power to lift up
and tear down
the power to love
and spew hate
the power to lead
and trip up
the power to forgive
and ignore
the power to believe
and to doubt

Oh the many powers of the mouth!

As you go through these next couple of days, look for ways to be intentional about bringing people up. It's amazing what a few words of encouragement can do to a person's day, and vice versa. We so often go through life assuming people know how much we love them. But it's incredible how much doubt can creep in when the words are not put out into the open. Don't hold in your words for fear of rejection, open up your heart and let the world know how much love flows through you, with the power of your words :)

Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the words of the wise bring healing~ Proverbs 12:18

A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger~ Proverbs 15:1

Confidence of a Child

2010-11-18T12:28:00.000-08:00

In my experience, if you give just about any kid, under the age of about 10, a compliment, chances are they are gonna respond with an "I know" or something along those lines. As we grow up though, we tend to lose that. You tell a middle or high schooler and though they may say thank you, very few will believe it. What is it that makes us lose that confidence we had in ourselves at that young age? If someone is confident as they get older people often write it off as arrogance. But it's not arrogance. Everyone has the right to believe in themselves and not be looked down on for it. What if we all walked around really truly believing in our God-given abilities and not always doubting our level of competence. When we doubt our skills or our ability to do the things God made us for, we inadvertently doubt God and his decision to grant us that gift. No one intentionally looks down on themselves, but we live in this world that constantly beats us down and makes us feel like we're worth nothing. And that's where people begin to turn to relationships and drugs to find security and assurance that they're worth something. And it's an easy trap to fall into. Everyone gets lonely, everyone has those moments where it seems like there's no hope for them or their circumstance and it's easy to fall into that belief that we'll only be worth something if everyone else thinks so, and it becomes this constant battle to get to the top so that finally we can be worth something. But the whole thing is a lie. The truth is that God made us each to be special and beautiful. Each and every person was made for a reason and has a specific purpose for their life, whether they follow it or not. And our worth does not depend on other's opinions and feelings. "Are not 5 sparrows sold for 2 pennies? Yet not one of them is forgotten by God. Indeed the very hairs on your head are all numbered. Do not be afraid; You are worth more than many sparrows" (Luke 12:6-7) Our worth is dependent on God alone and He tells us we are worth the death of His son. So let us live like we believe it! We are worth much! We are wonderfully and beautifully made! We are LOVED unconditionally!!! In the coming days, try to live with the confidence of a child, with humility, YES! But confident humility in the knowledge that God made you in his image, and for his purpose, and he loves you enough to send his own son to die for you. You are a magnificent creature!

Prayer for a Friend

2010-10-18T17:17:00.000-07:00

(Nashville Mission Trip 2010)

Everyone has that one person they look up to more than anyone in the world, someone they admire and to an extent model their lives after. For me that person is DC Curry. He is seriously the coolest guy i've ever met in my life time and I trust him like I do few others outside my family. When he first started doing youth ministry at GCC I remember looking over at him and his gorgeous wife, Brooke, and watching them during the service. I'll never forget the day he caught me looking, although I doubt he remembers, he just smiled and gave me a little "what's up" head nod. I was so embarrassed to be caught...but i just kept on watching. Since then he's become so much more to me than just someone i'd watch in church. He's become a friend, a trusted confidant, and a much-admired mentor. I still watch him. Not just in the church service though. Whenever he's around I find myself watching and taking notes, because the way he lives his life is just soooooo full of God. DC is an amazing speaker. Being the slow processor I am, it often takes me days to fully grasp whatever topic he may be speaking on at GSM (Granger Student Ministries) that weekend. Even if it's a topic that I've heard others speak on before, DC always brings something new to the table and it always applies to my life directly. The man is truly amazing. I'm so very blessed to have him in my life. It's such a humbling experience to be able to call him a friend. My friend. A lot of who I am today can be attributed to him and things he's spoken on for GSM or just to me when I've come to him with problems. And I know i'm not the only one who feels that way. He can't get from one side of GSM to the other without someone stopping him to talk! The man is loved like you wouldn't believe and he means the world to me and many others.

DC's dad has been in the hospital for the past week or so, and I ask that you pray for healing in him, and strength and comfort for DC and the rest of the family. This is a really difficult time for him, and he's given such strength to so many people, and now it's our time to be the strength for him. LET'S BE PRAYER WARRIORS FOR DC!!!!! :) love you all!

"Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, and faithful in prayer" ~Romans 12:12

The Ways of the Potter

2010-07-02T20:57:00.000-07:00

I want to start off by saying that CAMP IS ON SUNDAY!!!!!!!!! I'm pretty flippin excited!!!! I'm on the Help Staff this year which means that I get to work alongside 6 other AMAZING people, including 2 of my best friends. We'll be tearing down and setting up and cleaning and all that other fun behind the scenes stuff. Don't take that as sarcasm, i LOVE cleaning and helping out where I can... as long as it's not my room :) so this week is gonna be FANTASTIC!!! i'm pretty pumped, to say the least.

I also wanted to share something i've been wrestling with the past couple days. I read this verse in Galatians the other day:

"But when God, who set me apart from birth and called me by his grace, was pleased to reveal his Son in me so that i might preach him among the Gentiles, I did not consult any man" ~Galatians 1:15-16

The part that stuck out to me there is in the bold. I got to wondering whether God sets each of us aside at birth or if he just picks and chooses. And as i thought and wrestled with it I could not understand how God could choose someone to be great and leave others to be just average, or even less than average. I brought it up to a good friend of mine, Kelly, and she mentioned a verse in Romans, I don't remember specifically what it was, but it was something about how the potter has every right to make one pot more mighty purposes and another for general use. And it seemed soooo unfair to me. I know "Life isn't fair" and all... But God is. And as I kept going over it in my head I realized that we can't all be the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, there needs to be trash cans and water jugs and cups and all that other stuff too. Just because there's only one pot of gold doesn't make it any more special to the potter. Just think about where we'd all be if there weren't any trash cans in this world! it'd be a mess. And I realized that just because not everyone is set aside for fame or whatever the case may be doesn't mean that they're not set aside for a purpose. We all have our "calling" if you will. We all have a reason for being here. God set us on this Earth at this time in this place for a reason. And that reason, no matter what it is, is noble. It's important. And it's ours. God thinks we're precious, pot of gold and trash can alike. He looks at us with love-filled eyes and longs only to hold us in his arms and do what's best for us. He's our Daddy, and he's given us a reason to live. I don't know bout you, but i think that is a delightful think to understand. Thank you Daddy

My Brothers

2010-05-05T13:08:00.000-07:00

Meet my brothers. Hunter(with the curly hair) is 13, and in 7th grade. Taylor's 9 and in 3rd grade. These guys are AWESOME!!!! I love my brothers soooo much. Anyone who's known me for longer than a couple days knows that from how much i talk about them. It's one of those things I just can't help. We have so much fun together and if someone were to ask me who i'm the most comfortable around, with out hesitation I would say my brothers. I've always been one to relate more with guys than with girls, and i credit that partly to my brothers. I join in on their immature little jokes and they don't judge me or expect me to be a certain way. It makes me really happy to think about how close we are. We have sooooo many inside jokes (most of them involving Pirates of the Carribean) and we all laugh at the same things that no one else understands. Today I had to write a final in English about acceptance and it hit me how easy it is to take that for granted. It's sooo easy for me to hang out with them and be...just plain stupid, because i know they won't ever stop loving me or judge me or look down on me (and not only because i'm taller!) I think they appreciate it that I hang out at their level rather than assuming I'm too good for them cuz i'm older. But honestly, I think i appreciate it more because (shhh don't tell) it's my level too! :) And with these guys around I can be as immature as I want and not have to worry bout what they think.

But it's not just the goofing off that I enjoy. I love knowing that they look up to me. And even when we're goofing around I know that I can still set an example that they'll follow. It's an awesome responsibility. Dangerous, maybe, but awesome. We all know I'm not percfect, and I love being able to go before them and give them advice and let them learn from my mistakes. I know they will have to learn some things the hard way, but I'm also greatful that through everything they may have to deal with I can be there for them and possibly be the one they lean on for strength to get them through it.

These boys are my favorite boys in the world and although I'd say differently if someone asked, they are my best friends and I love them dearly :)

Like There's No Tomorrow

2010-03-30T12:52:00.000-07:00

I never believed my middle school teachers when they said that there would be people in our grade who died before they were out of highschool. Surely not true right? We still have our whole lives ahead of us....Such a typical mindset: We're invincible nothing can hurt us!!....Yeah, that's been proved wrong time and time again. We had our second Freshman death last night. His name was Nathan White, and he sat two rows in front of me in study hall. His family was in Florida for Spring Break and he was driving through an intersection when a semi hit him head-on. This boy will never get married, he'll never have kids, he'll never graduate, or be able to fulfill his dreams. And all the people he left behind are mourning his death. But what really bothered me today, was when people were unaffected by all of that. That someone died, and they didn't care, even if they didn't know him, it could have been any of us. I expressed my annoyance to one of my friends who was acting like that and his excuse? "when you go through so much pain you eventually stop feeling emotions." No you refuse to feel them, was my reply. and the final straw "it's easier to be indifferent than to deal with the pain" Yeah it is. Life sucks. I won't deny it. But you could at least pretend like you care. When you become indifferent you become like the Nazi's and all the people who let those Jews die and did nothing to stop it, nothing to help put an end to the ruining of so many lives. I'd rather feel all the pain in the world than be indifferent to the loss of a life. The goal of living is not just to survive...what's the point of that? the goal of living is to do it to the fullest! To experience miraculous things and enjoy this beautiful world God has put at our disposal and to change lives, help people, love eachother!...Yeah maybe indifference is easier but to live your life indifferent to pain is also living your life indifferent to joy, to love, to sorrow, but also to community. For what good is the sunrise if you don't first go through the dark. What good is the rainbow if you don't first press through the storm? Live life to it's fullest! Love everyone. Give from your heart. Take risks. Sing and dance like no one's around. Cuz in an instant the world could slip out from under you, and suddenly the chance will be gone.

"I want to live like there's no tomorrow
I wanna dance like no one's around
I wanna sing like nobody's listening
Before i lay my body down
I wanna give like I have plenty
I wanna love like I'm not afraid
I wanna be the man I was meant to be
I wanna be the way I was made"

Overwhelming Love

2010-03-01T13:11:00.000-08:00

In the past year or so I've felt like God is so far away, like when I'd call he wouldn't hear. But as I think about it more I've realized that I don't feel like that anymore. I don't neccessarily feel like he's super close, (but then I'm not sure I know what that feels like) and I know with all my heart that he hears me when I call.
Recently I've been filled with this overwhelming love for everyone around me, so much so that it's impossible to keep it in! and I think this is God's way of showing me that he is near, by giving me a taste of that unconditional love, and I'm not going to lie, IT FEELS SO GOOD!!!!! The other day on the bus, I wasn't having the greatest days and one of my best friends, I consider him a brother, could tell and the entire ride he worked to improve my day so i wouldn't go home upset. How great a friend is that?! And the entire ride I'm thinking how lucky I am to have friends who care that much and I was filled with this incredible amount of Godly love for this kid, almost too much to hold in! It most definitely overpowered whatever it was that made my day bad (i don't even remember what it was :)). Then last weekend I was serving in the penguin room (which i do twice a month) and again I was hit by how much i love these kids!!! I put it on facebook and i'll say it again I belong more with those kids than with kids my age!!! It's absolutely incredible to me that they can be so un-judgemental (is that a word???) it's refreshing.I love those kids...and I love my God!!! I don't deserve anything he's given me and yet I got it. I don't understand!!!!! haha, good thing i'm not God! :)

I LOVE YOU GUYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"Give thanks to the God of gods, his love endures forever" ~Psalm 136:2

Dreams

2010-02-22T18:28:00.000-08:00

I hate feeling incompetent. I was on Heir Force Band this weekend for the first time for guitar and one of my first thoughts when i heard the other guitarist play was, "I'm not good enough for this, why am I here?" Now I had a BLAST this weekend and i'd do it over in a heartbeat, but i realized that as much as i love guitar i've been slacking a lot. If i practiced just an hour a day i'd be sooo much better than i am now! Granted, i still wouldn't be anywhere close to the level the other guitarist was at but i'd be closer than I was and that gives me huge amounts of motivation to practice more often than i do. Which excites me more than you know, when i think about what i could accomplish by putting in just an hour a day it gives me hope that I could actually accomplish my dream of being a star, or at least a small part of it.

Now another thing, lately I've been seriously wondering if I have what it takes? Am i even any good or are people just saying it to make me feel better? I LOVE to sing, but lately i just don't think my voice is good enough. I'm going to keep working at it and making it as good as i can, but i'm under no impression that I'm great. I asked my mom if she thought i had a shot and she gave me a few pointers on how to improve, and I talked to my dad and he said that he thought i could have a future in songwriting. And that would be awesome but it's disappointing to have a dream of being famous and being able to change the world, and then realize that your dream isn't as realistic as you thought. I know there's a slimmer than slim chance that i'd make it big but i'd always had that hope to hang on to no matter what, It was hard for me to realize that (and i'm not dissing this in any way) I won't be able to change the world like i'd hoped, that theres a fairly large possibility that my music won't be of any use to anyone but myself. And i've been praying that God would give me the peace to be content with whatever happens, but i can't help but feel that it's pointless to even hope. I have always been a big dreamer, and music is my passion, if i could save lives through my music I'd be ecstatic. But I've realized lately that God's plans aren't necessarily my plans, and i've heard that my whole life but i've never really taken it to heart until now. I know God will put me where i can make the biggest impact and i trust that whatever path that is he'll give me the strength to accept it and work at it with all my heart. I don't want to confuse anyone, i'm not giving up on my dream, but i'm praying for acceptance i whatever may come along and I ask that you pray for me as well. I want to change the world. But i've got to let God do the planning. and then i've got to follow where he leads me because He sees the big picture.

"Reach for the moon, even if you miss you'll land among the stars"

Were the Ancient Romans so different from us?

2010-01-10T11:21:00.000-08:00

Back in ancient times the Romans would all gather in the coliseum to watch the gladiators fight to death. it was their football. But these gladiators didn't choose that life, they either were forced into it or did it to provide for their families. Now we hear that and think why would anyone want to see that, and how sick is their culture that that many would gather to see ppl kill eachother? I mean when i first heard about the gladiator fights i wondered in a thousand yrs what will they be disgusted by in our culture? And the more i think about it, the more I get disgusted. We don't gather to see ppl draw blood out of their companions, we do it privately in our own homes. Have you seen the best-selling magazines? They're mostly gossip about major celebrities. 'People' and 'National Enquirer' are the main ones i know about. But looking through them, most of what i see is all the dirt on the celebrities that can possibly be found out. One might argue 'we only read them because the media puts it out there!' but honestly the media wouldn't work so hard to dig it all up if there wasn't such a high demand.
Why do we enjoy hearing about everything they've done wrong? Nobody's perfect. We act like we're surprised when they mess up, but i think secretly we're just glad they've done something worse than us. As though what we've done pales in comparison, and so therefore we shouldn't be punished as badly because we're not as bad as them. That's not the way it works though. In the end we're all going to get judged for what we have and haven't done and i'm not positive but i doubt we'll be compared to everyone else. That's one of the great things about God, he doesn't say 'oh you can't go to heaven because you're not as stainless as billy bob.' No, he forgives us. He says 'all your sins are washed clean when you accept my son, Jesus Christ and what a blessing that is! We're all going to get judged but I would so much rather be standing up there with Jesus at my side, than to have to answer to all of it by myself. No one can measure up by themselves. But we are made new in Christ, and what a beautiful thing that is!!!! What an amazing God we serve who will never leave our side and will not only forgive but also forget everything we've done wrong!!!! No one's perfect, but with Christ...it ceases to matter. He loves us anyway! David Crowder released a new song last year called "How he loves" and in it one line sticks out to me, "If his grace is an ocean we're all sinking" My small group decorated my room and that's one of the quotes they put up on the wall. i look at it every morning when i wake up and every night when i fall asleep, and i thank God for his amazing grace and his unfailing love, for without it i would be lost.

I Will Never Leave You

2009-11-04T18:08:00.000-08:00

Penn Highschool is truly an experience. For real. You walk down the halls with 3,000 other people every day and most of them you don't see at all. There are a few things that are consistant however: cussing everywhere you go, and couples making out everywhere you look. I've never wanted to be associated with either of those things however when you here such crude language everywhere you go everyday, it's hard to block it all out. I have to constantly remind myself of Philipians 4:8 "Whatever is true whatever is noble Whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable- if anything is excellent or praise-worthy, think about such things"

And then there's the couples. If they're not making out, they're holding hands, hugging...etc. My point is there's couples everywhere. It's almost depressing walking down the halls alone. And i'm not even interested in a relationship. I find myself getting lonely for no reason. But then i remember God says "i will never leave you nor forsake you" and i take that to heart. I'm a visual person and lately when i get lonely i'll imagine God walking beside me, holding my hand, joking around, comforting me. And it works. I thank God so often that it's true, that i won't ever be alone because he is always with me. It's a miracle. I've done nothing to deserve his love, nothing to deserve the amazing sacrifice that he's paid! I'm in awe that God, who created the universe, would care even the slightest for me and yet he DIED so that i can live! How amazing is our God! And when i think about that i realize how blessed i truly am. I don't understand the things i've dealt with or that i'm dealing with now. But i know in my heart that He loves me and is with me every step of the way!!! and with that knowledge i am a rich person indeed :) Thank you father for giving me a reason to live!

"For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but has been tempted in every way, just as we are, yet was without sin" ~Hebrews 4:15

Jesus Paid it All

2009-09-09T17:43:00.001-07:00

"it's all because of Jesus I'm alive, It's all Because the blood of Jesus Christ"
"Jesus paid it all, All to Him I owe, Sin had left a crimson stain He washed it white as snow"

At GSM (Granger Student Ministries) last Sunday we sang both of these songs and it hit me again how true it is. We sing things like this all the time at church and even hear them on Christian radio stations and we know it's true. So how come it's so hard for us to give it back to Him? I mean think about it: Jesus DIED so that we could live. He DIED. For Me. For You. So that we could have life. So is it too much to ask that we live this life, that He gave us, in a way that is pleasing to Him? This shouldn't be something we do because we feel guilty, we should work harder to make time for him, and think harder to make sure we're honoring him because we want to. Because He loves us and we love him. If you have a best friend that you love with you're whole heart, you're not just going to listen to them or talk to them because you feel guilty. You're gonna make time no matter how busy you are because you enjoy spending time with them. That's how it should be with God. But to an even greater extent because He died for us.

So often I ask myself how can I live for God at school? How am I acting any different than anyone else? But then I realize just because I'm not going around witnessing to people, doesn't mean I'm not living for God. Sometimes all it takes is not cussing when everyone else is, standing up for the kids getting made fun of, or even just a smile in passing. People notice the little things, maybe not immediately but eventually they will see there's something different about us, and maybe they'll even be curious as to what that might be. Why don't we, not only focus on the BIG stuff but also the little things that people don't often think about, and when people notice tell them why we're doing it? And put you're whole heart into what you do because you're not doing it for yourself or other people. You're doing it for God. Because He loves us, created us, and died for us.

Therefore my brothers, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the LOrd, because you knoe that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.~ 2 Corinthians 15:58

I have been crucified with Christ and i no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life i live in the body i live by faith in the son of God who loved me and gave himself for me~Galatians 2:20

Less like me, More like God

2009-08-27T17:24:00.001-07:00

So often we look around us at other people and judge a person on the way they look. This is coming from a teenager so i'm gonna put it in a teenage scenario i'm sure you've all related to at some point in your life. You're at school or work or where ever there's people you see often and you see a good-looking guy/girl, you're obviously attracted to them and the more often you see them the more you like them. But you don't really know them and your friends tell you they're not very nice. Then finally you get to know them and you realize they really aren't nice and then you've got to work on getting over them.

That saying 'don't judge a book by its cover' is not only true for books but all aspects of life. A more accurate way of saying it would be 'don't judge.' But we all struggle with that whether we want to admit it or not. What if we took that and applied it to that scenario i gave? How would our lives change if, although we notice the looks, we didn't put everything on them, and instead we watched how a person acted, noticed how they interacted with others and got to know the person on the inside. It seems to me that that would save us from a lot of heart ache although i realize thats not the cause of it a lot of the time, but then again a lot of the time it is.

I was on a walk earlier, thinking some things over, and i saw a rock lying in the middle of the road and bent down to look at it. On the top it was perfectly smooth and kinda pretty, which is why it caught my eye, but the bottom was jagged and muddy. And it made me think of the way we see others. We see only the surface level, we draw attention to the beauty and sometimes order our lives in a way that best enhances it. But if we would look underneath, at a deeper level we'd see that there's mud and rough edges. We'd see that our ideal person/fantasy is just that, a fantasy, a mask, a lie.

A lot of the time it's difficult not to make assumptions about someone from the way they look, but I pray for the day when we see someone with a pure and innocent heart and a passion for God and think "they're beautiful!" even if they may not be the most attractive person in the world. I challenge you all to look at those around you at a less wordly, and more Godly level.

"The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance but the LORD looks and the heart." 1Samuel 16:7

Lets try a little harder to look at the heart. Pray about it. Catch yourself in the action and change your way of thinking. And little by little we will start to look more like Christ and less like the ppl of this world

Hold My Heart

2009-07-18T13:11:00.000-07:00

"I'm on my knees
begging you to notice me
I'm on my knees
father will you turn to me

one tear in a drop of rain
one voice in a sea of pain
can the maker of the stars
hear the sound of my breaking heart
one life is all i am
right now i can barely stand
if you're everything you say you are
will you come close and hold my heart"
~ Hold my heart by Tenth Avenue North (if you haven't heard it you should go listen to it before you finish reading this)

I don't usually write about a song I've heard, but I was in my room cleaning up and listening to my radio when this song came on. At the very begining of the song I'd paused what I was doing and listened to the lyrics which is what I usually do when I hear a song I haven't heard before or don't know very well. A few lines into the song I went and sat down on my bed next to my radio and just listened to the plea coming from the song. I think last year I probably wouldn't have been touched by the song nearly as much, but now after the stuff I went through last year I almost started crying. How often do we go through such great amounts of pain and blame God instead of crying out for help? How often do I feel that God has better things to do than sit and listen to me cry out to him? I think at some point during our lives and often more than once, we all feel small and insignificant! The idea that God listens to our cries for help is mind-boggling! Let alone the fact that He died on the cross to save each and every one of us! i'm honestly blown out of my mind to think that a God SO HUGE would ever care enough about me personally to want to pull me in when i'm hurting and comfort me. And I think that's what makes this song so easily relatable. It's that cry for help, for comfort, even for the feeling of nearness to know we're not alone. Begging God not to forget us. This song is SOOOOO full of emotion my heart instantly hurt in remembrance of when i was crying out the same thing and i still do sometimes. It's also a comfort to know that other people go through the same thing, that it's not just our problem.

There're two lines that really stick out to me. the first is "Can the maker of the stars hear the sound of my breaking heart" That's such a moving line because I think deep inside we all know He can. And that is what keeps me going a lot of the time. The knowledge that God here's our pain is so comforting, but more than that is that He cares. He knows what we're going through and He's there through it all. It's such a comfort to me knowing that He's here for me, for all of us and when there's nothing left we can do, He gives us strength to keep going. The second line that stood out to me was "if you're everything you say you are would you come close and hold my heart" that's sucha great question. i've never thought to ask God to hold my heart. But what a great thing to ask knowing that He will keep it safe, make it new, and nurture it back to it's innocent state of...wholeness.

Correct me if I'm wrong but I think that all too often we block out God when we're hurting. We blame Him, get angry, and think that if He really cared, we wouldn't be going through whatever it is we're going through. But what we should really be doing is, like in the song, crying out to God, begging Him to comfort us, basking in the knowledge that He is hearing our cries. He knows what we're going through and he's hurting for us, too. But if/when we finally stop fighting Him for control, that is when the healing can happen. That's when we can finally realize that we have an all-powerful God who wants nothing more than the best for us. And although sometimes it doesn't seem like it, everything happens for a reason. We'll get through it if we lean on Him. "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" Philippians 4:13. But that's THROUGH CHRIST. So often we want to do things our way. We get stubborn and refuse to back down, but God's way is the best way, no matter what we may think about it. And the best thing we can do is give up control and let Christ do what He does bese

Chicago '09

2009-06-30T09:50:00.000-07:00

So some of you know that i just got back from a mission trip in Chicago. For those of you who didn't....now you do :) i just thought i'd share my thoughts and expereinces on the trip. I'm not gonna give details on each day, if you want to know the details go to chicag09.blogspot.com.
It was day 1 and i'd already started to realize things that i hadn't known before. 1) it's VERY hot in Chicago, it was like 90 some degrees that day. 2) I'm not comfortable talking about my relationship with Christ, probably because i feel like people expect me to say certain things that aren't really true and i don't want people to judge me based on what i say. And 3) is that life is comfortable inside the boat, but the only way to really serve God and make a difference is to step out of your comfort zone, out of the boat, and walk on the water. To do that you have to really trust God, don't let distractions make you doubt, or like peter you will fall in quickly. That was my goal last week, and for the rest of my life. I don't want to stay in comfort and let everyone else do the work, i wanna be out in the water getting my hands dirty, helping to save the ppl who are drowning and don't know it. I challenge everyone to make that a goal in their own life, it's definitely life changing, in a completely awesome way!

Day two. I realized again how much these kids need love and attention. I knew that they'd probably had rough lives and not enough love and attention to fill them up, like a child needs. So we did our best to show them God's love and we loved them and paid attention to them. That day was a tough one b/c we got hit over and over. But it was amazing to see how God provided EVERYTIME! i can not doubt that God was watching out for us during that trip. And i don't think i'll ever again be able to doubt that God is present and God is our provider. It was like a war going on around us, God and the Devil. and God won! Every time Satan struck us with something it was like God was saying "Not so fast buddy!" It was an awesome feeling, to know with such assurance that God is watching over us and will protect us from anything. But it was also really hard, at least for me, to be happy when i knew that so many other ppl were frustrated and upset. That's just the way I am. I like to be able to help ppl, and not beaing able to really gets to me. I think i've always had a problem with surrendering other ppl's problems over to God. i want so badly to be able to fix them and it's hard for me to trust someone else, even if it is God, to fix them. But i managed to keep a good additude with the help of God and the encouragement from the rest of the team. And we made it through the day happy, and confident in our God.

Day three. I had an inner struggle day three. I've been dealing with quite a bit of hurt lately. I've been feeling ignored and unimportant to people i look up to and admire, and a friend from school. You know that last year was not one of my best yrs, and it was made worse because God has been silent through it. Lately i've gotten to feeling like God is ignoring me too, or i'm not important enough for him to pay attention to. And i struggled with that quite a bit on Thursday. I know that that's not true, I know God loves me and there's nothing i can do to push him away, but sometimes it feels like i've taken a step too far and he's finally given up on me. I've also learned though that when i'm feeling down, it helps a TON to help someone else out. So Thursday was a good day to feel down, because we pulled up sod all day. so i focused my energy on doing that to the best of my ability, and encouraging everyone else to keep going until we got done. And it definitely succeeded, b/c by the end of the day i was feeling very good and important and proud of our team for accomplishing the task.

Day four. Friday was AMAZING! ''I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.'' We served God most directly that day. We went downtown and we walked the streets feeding the homeless and praying for them. It was one of the most amazing experiences of my life! I've always felt a calling to do something for the homeless, whether it be the kids in Africa or the ppl living on the streets in big cities, i don't know, but i got HUGE satisfaction in feeding those people. And even just sitting there listening to them was very touching. It's insane how many people live in Chicago and just walk by those people every single day without a second thought about it. One lady we stopped to talk to (we forgot to ask her name) just sat and talked to us for like 30 minutes, she didn't give us any room to put a word in because she never has anyone to talk to. She told us that she talks to the animals that come by because no one else will listen. With all those people in the city there ought to be someone who'll talk to these people. It's a depressing thing to think about, but it also makes me want to help 100% more! I really want to make a difference and i know that with God's help i can. Friday just made it that much more clear to me, that God is calling me to do something along those lines with my life.

Day five. Saturday was the day of the Angel's ( Good Seed's team that we spent the week with) baseball game on the field we cleared for them. We were the cheerleaders! It was fun to see how much they enjoyed hearing their names being shouted in the context that it was, and to see that they each had a sign with their name on it that they got to take home later. Later we went to Willow Creek for church and learned about Naaman and his leprocy in 2 Kings. Bill Hybels' four applications on the message were this.

Do your absolute best at whatever you put your hand to do -how would ppl size you up in a single paragraph? Eccl. 9:10, 1 Cor. 10:31, Col. 3:23-24
Do good where ever you are, no matter what has been done to you -Matt.5:43-44, Rom. 12:21, Gal. 6:9
Go for help when you need it - "Sitting on your rear end is rarely transformative" ~Bill Hybels
Do a simple thing if God asks you to -sometimes the only thing sitting between you and healing is a simple thing, you just have to humble yourself to do it

Day six. Sunday morning we went to Good Seed church service. We spent the afternoon hanging with the kids, and watching Pastor Bone at one of his b-ball games. That was the last oppurtunity we had with the kids so we were using it to best of our abilities. It was sad to part with them. They are great kids and we bonded with them. I'm definitely missing them a TON. I'd had a conversation with Sarah the night before, so while we were waiting for the service to start i started writing a song called Everpresent, it's not done yet but it's gonna be a good one. I'm writing it about how no matter how we feel or what it seems like God is always here and as much as it may seem differently it's that truth that will set us free.

Day seven. Monday was stretching, and i have a much better relationship with God because of it. We went on a prayer walk downtown, praying for the buildings, and the people who pass through them. And in between buildings we prayed for the ppl we passed on the streets. I was more aware of all the hurt and pain in ppl than i've been in my life. But it didn't depress me like it normally would b/c i knew God is in control and he's gonna do what he does best and rule the world. It was another amazing experience that i will never forget. And it made me realize yet again that i can't solve everyone's problems, but that's okay b/c God is working for the good of those who love him and he won't let anything happen that doesn't have a reason. I also knew in my heart not just my head that God hears every cry, every prayer i send up to him, no matter how distant he may feel or how silent he is at the time.

Chicago was amazing! i feel like a completely different person, in a good way. and i pray that God will be more eminent in my life and that ppl will see God in my life.

everything!

2009-04-13T17:47:00.001-07:00

Hey!!!!!!!!!!!! it's been a while! (i think i start every post that way!) Anyways! life's been pretty good lately! well mostly! haha! I've been able to deal with things better lately...or it got better...not really sure! Spring break was GREAT! my dad built us a deck...which looks amazing...and i hung out and lazed aroung all week. it was so relaxing! :) i feel like i have a whole new perspective on life! it's great. it's amazing how much i let things affect my mood. It's something i've been trying to fix, little things like sleep deprivation, or a mean comment, someone elses day(when my friends have bad days and i can't cheer them up i sometimes get pulled down too) even grades at school and stuff like that! I had a great day today and i don't think i would have b/c i wake up ready to have a bad day, but i told myself on the way to track "i am going to have a great day today!" and anytime i started to get down...that's what i'd think. Because little things should not matter. Life is meant to be enjoyed, to teach others and help them learn more, and learn more yourself! it's amaazing how much helping ppl helps me! haha! Whenever i'm down...with the exception of one time...i know i can cheer up by helping someone else. It makes me me useful...like i'm needed! and i love that! Everyone wants to feel needed and i believe that everyone has at least one person who needs them, it's a great thought! Like we can all keep going b/c we're all leaning on someon who's leaning on someone who's leaniing on someone. Of course we're leaning on God too, but it's nice to know that someone knows they can come to you and talk about anything and you'll still be there for them and that there's someone you can go to and talk to them about anything and they'll still be there for support too! i have so many amazing friends and i think a lot of the time i take them for granted. :( I LOVE YOU GUYS! THANK YOU FOR BEING THERE FOR EVERYTHING! EVEN WHEN I WAS GRUMPY AND DEPRESSED! YOU'RE FABULOUS!!!
Thanks for all the prayers! i strongly believe that they're the reason i made it through that season. (That's assuming/hoping/praying that that season is over!)
I love you guys! :)

So Sick

2009-03-05T05:03:00.000-08:00

There's a song i've been singing a lot lately called So Sick and i really like it cuz it's got a catchy tune and the lyrics kind of fit with what i'v been feeling lately. Anyways i just thought i'd take a moment and get out what I'M sick of.

I'm sick of being ignored
I'm sick of feeling like i don't exist
I'm sick of being second to everyone
I'm sick of wondering whether my friends are still gonna be here tomorrow
I'm sick of being expected to be perfect
I'm sick of any minor mistake i make being turned into some huge crime
I'm sick of bad relationships
I'm sick of drama
I'm sick of thinking everythings normal and then have it turn bad again
I'm sick of arguing with the people i love
I'm sick of people thinking that i'm always depressed
I'm sick of being depressed
I'm sick of being lied to
I'm sick of GUYS!
I'm sick of being sick of life!

Sorry...that's a long list! :) why is it that i hand over my life to God and once he fixes it, i somehow take it back thinking i can run it better than he can? Because time and time again it's obvious that i can't! I long so much to do what's right and let God direct me wherever he wants me to go but i never manage to do anything right. I just wish that God would tell me what he wants me to do. Or maybe he is and i'm just not listening. All i know is that i don't know. And i just gotta keep pushing through and eventually I'll see the light at the end of this tunnel and God standing there with arms wide open for me to run to him and embrace him and drown in his love. For now, I'm living for that day :)

Memphis

2009-02-16T11:42:00.000-08:00

Wow! I just got back from Memphis, where we went to a student life conference called Live Love. It was one of the greatest experiences of my entire life! The first night Francis Chan talked about our images of God. About how so many people say what they think God is, but it's just there opinion, Not truth! So he had us look in Revelations and explained what some of the confusing stuff meant. And he gave us this image in our heads of God in his throne in heaven surrounded by 4 magnificent beasts that would cause fear in the very core of our being and they're all giving glory to God! There's angels and other heavenly beings surrounding him as well also giving glory to God. Thunder and lightning are coming out from his throne...and he calls US his sons and daughters! What an amazing thing to KNOW! I have another picture of him that i got in my head the other day...it's one of a fatherly figure bending over me comforting me, loving me. The 2 pictures don't seem to fit together...But the amazing thing is THEY DO! It's the same person in both! It's such a weird thing for me to know that this God who is King of the world and has everything in his hands would step down off his throne...for ME! It doesn't seem like it makes any sense!! It's mind-boggling...but it's true! The worship there was absolutely amazing too! Kristian Stanfill was a GREAT worship leader! There was one song that was particularly touching and it's chorus was "There is none so high and holy, King of Kings the one and only! you are adored! you are the Lord of all!!!!!" and it's sooo true! But it's so hard for us to grasp is just how high and holy he is! Crazy to think about! I'm just so amazed that God loves me enough to die for me!!!!
Another thing Francis Chan talked about was a quote from a guy speaking at a funeral, he said, "You never know when God's Goin to take your life. And at that moment there's nothing you can do about it! ARE YOU READY?!" and the guy went back to his seat and turned to his wife and said his chest hurt and fell over and died from a heart-attack!!!! That's such a great example of his statement! And it's something I've always kept in my head, not that story but the idea that at any moment any one of us could die. That's one of the reasons i try not to get mad at people and i work really really hard on not saying mean things to people or if i do slip i go and apologize immediately because i would hate for something cruel to be the last word that ever comes out of my mouth or the last thing people remember of me. I realized that God has given all of us this incredible love and it's our job to spread it to ppl around us who don't have it or don't realize they have it yet! WE MUST LOVE IN EVERYTHING WE DO! And that will be my goal from now on to forever! LOVE!

So....

2009-02-02T19:49:00.000-08:00

Hey guys! it's been a while! Gosh a lots been goin on lately. A couple weeks ago, i was somewhat depressed because in order to put God first in my life i had to...ummm...kick a friend out of my heart. I had realized that with this friend so close to my mind at all times i wasn't making time for God, I was concentrating fully on this friend...Let's call this friend Charlie...So i realized that Charlie was getting in the way of my relationship with God and i needed to reprioritize my life. So that's what i've been working on lately. I had to tell Charlie that i needed to prioritize, and i know that hurt him, which was painful to see. However, Charlie, being the great guy that he is said that i was doing the right thing, which i knew, and that if he was getting in the way of God that this is what i needed to do. That was a difficult thing for me to do. Put God first. And it shouldn't have been, I'd just gotten so used to having God in the background...there when i wanted him to be, but otherwise pushed aside until it was convenient. It's a somewhat depressing thing for me to realize, and honestly it's been a month and i'm still working on putting him first. I'm still trying to love God with ALLL my heart not just what's left over. I'm still trying to deal with emotions that i don't want to feel. But in it all i believe i have come closer to God, I have realized that he's not going anywhere, i have figured out that if he is not first in my life, everything else crashes down around me. There's no security, no reliability, no unconditional love, no feeling that i'll never be left alone. It's a hard thing to pick out in yourself. to realize the "little flaws" that you see are actually huge when their pointed out. But it's one of those things we have to do, cuz in my case, no one else would have realized that, no one else can see my heart or know what order my priorities lie in. That's for me to figure out, and i'm glad that i did, because although it hasn't been easy, i have the security and comfort in the fact that GOD will NEVER leave me.

Well, there you go. I'm thinking there were a few people out there that needed to know what was up, so now you know. Pray for me, i still need a lot of help getting back on my feet and in a direction that will keep me safe and secure in God's arms and in my relationship with him :) i love you guys!

Sooo Good!

2009-01-18T18:03:00.000-08:00

Hey guys, this is the guitar i'm gonna get! I'm in love with it! lol.

I've been somewhat confused lately. I want to do what God wants me to do, but i'm so worried that i just think i'm doing what he wants me to and in actuality i'm doing the complete opposite. And i REALLY want to be a musician when i grow up...i'd love to hear ppl call me "Singer/songwriter Megan Stevens" but that's not why. I just love music! i feel like God has given me natural talents at singing, guitar, and writing songs. But what if i really am being called towards somehing else and i just don't want to hear it. I'd love my songs to help people... and be something they can relate to and use to help get through issues that i have gone through. My songs ARE from real emotions and real situations i've gone through...if i looked back on them in a few years it'd be like a map of my life of what i've gone through and had to deal with. But i want to help lead people to Christ, i love helping my friends through issues and honestly i have a lot of friends who come to me with there problems i think that i might prefer to be like worship leader of a youth group or a single church or community that way i could bond with the people there and still be there for people to lean on and come to for advice. One of the verses i've found really helpful for myself and friends i've given it out to is John 16:33b "In this world you will have trouble. But take heart for I have overcome the world." It's comforting for me to know that we are all going to have issues and go through hard times but we don't have to worry about that because out father has already conquered the world and will carry us through our hard times another verse that has really helped me lately is Hebrews 13:5 "Because God has said, 'Never will i leave you; Never will i forsake you.'" Soo comforting to know that we're never alone. If every one of our friends and family turned against us, he would still be here holding us close and telling us that everything would be alright. How amazing to be the recipient of that love...THAT is a great feeling. Praise God!

Song update

2009-01-17T19:20:00.000-08:00

Hey guys! Ive decided to make a blog just for my songs...so i won't be posting them on here anymore. I'll stick them on the other blog, that way if you don't want to read them you don't have to! lol. Anyways... here's the url: http://meganstevenssongs.blogspot.com/
have fun! :)

song 3

2009-01-11T09:15:00.001-08:00

Kick, punch, break me down
Seems to be everyone’s goal
It’s working more and more each day
How will I survive?

In a world full of people
I feel all alone
No one to turn to, run,
Jump in their arms
I look for a way out
But nothing comes
How will I keep going on?

A target’s painted on my head
And they will shoot
But I keep it going anyway
You’ll help me survive

In a world full of people
I feel all alone
No one to turn to, run,
Jump in their arms
I look for a way out
But nothing comes
How will I keep going on? (x2?)

In this world
We will have trouble and we will get depressed
But we’ll keep on going anyway
For you, my God,
Have overcome it all

In a world full of people
Who feel all alone
We can turn to, run,
Jump in your arms
Looking for a way out
And your face comes
You will keep us going on!

Merry Christmas

2008-12-21T19:07:00.000-08:00

Ever wonder why Jesus died for you? I wonder often what he saw in me that was so redeeming that he would die on a cross to save me. Or maybe that was it. There was NOTHING redeeming in me. Nothing to save me from eternal damnation nothing to save me from myself. His love is so unconditional that it didn't matter how wretched i was or am to this day. He loves me enough to die a horrible death, so that i could spend eternity with him in heaven. It's such an amazing idea! I don't understand how anyone could do that! Why would God want to send his son for me? What pain would he and all the beings of heaven, go through seeing their prince, his only son, die. And with romans mocking him and asking why he couldn't just come down from the cross if he was so high and mighty. Therein lies the realization. He was dying so that they may live. that you may live. That I may live. He could have come off the cross at any time. He could have just killed those who chose to deny him. But he didn't. He continued loving them and us. Even those who were the cause of his death. Why? i don't know. His love is too strong and too great for me to comprehend. But i do know this: God loves all of us enough to send his only son to die for us. he doesn't want anyone to perish, but for all to live with him for eternity. And that is enough for me.
I love you guys!!! Merry Christmas!!!! :D

Drama:Faith

2008-12-15T16:15:00.000-08:00

I hate drama! with a capital H-A-T-E!!!! but i think that sometimes it helps us grow. Like we don't realize it at the time but everytime we work through a difficult situation that seems nearly impossible we become stronger as a person. And we become better at problem-solving. I think, if the drama or whatever the problem is, gets solved and the people involved are still friends, that the people will become closer because of it.

It's kinda like our relationships with God. not the drama necessarily, but the questions. When we ask questions of God. We become closer to him because of them. I think that a lot of the time we feel like asking questions of God is wrong because he created the universe...who are we to question him? you know? But the truth is, if we keep them locked inside they're going to eat us from the inside out. We can't continue doubting God and wondering how things work and why things happen. It's better if we put our doubts and stuff out there. we can wrestle the issues with God and ourselves. Eventually, we will come to peace with whatever it may be and have stronger faith, and a better relationship with God because of it. I don't know what i'd do without God. But at this time in my life i'm feeling really distant from him. I know that's normal and i can deal with that. it just seems really inconvient with stuff that i'm dealing with right now. I know he's here though and i will continue to trust and live my life for him. I'd appreciate your prayers though. Thanks and i love you guys!!!!

2008-11-30T12:02:00.000-08:00

so i'm a little late...but HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!!!!!!!!!!! :)
i'm thankful for oh so much!!! let me list it out...(i just made up that phrase, it doesn't make any sense at all but i don't care!!!!)

Family
Friends
A house
FOOD! :D
Love
Life
Reese's (my fav)
people i can lean on
books (my connection to less complicated worlds)
Computer
Heat
cars
pencils!!!!
technology
Church
YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PS these are not written in order of improtance...and that's not all i'm thankful for, just a few things, i didn't want to bore you!!! :)

Hope you had a happy thanksgiving!!!!! and stuffed your bellies full! ;D

Amazing Love

2008-11-15T18:29:00.000-08:00

Heya!!! i'm feeling soooo good!!!! The past...couple weeks, i think, i've been dealing with a lot. I love it when my friends know they can trust me. And there are multiple people who DO know that, and when they're dealing with stuff and they need someone to listen. I'm good at that...Listening...if there is nothing else to do for someone, at least give them the time of day and listen. My problem...or gain, whichever way you look at it, is that i tend to take on their problems as my own, i feel their pain, i see it in their eyes and know there is nothing i can do for them and i take it as an extra burden of my own. I've heard sooo many times that i just need to give it all up to God and let him take care of it...so if that's what you're thinking now, You're right and i realize that. I don't know why i think that i'm so independent, because if i were independent i'd be living on the street...or even dead. Because the truth is I am SO dependent on God! Every time I need help and even when i don't, i KNOW i can turn to God, in his word or in prayer, and he will always help me. And yet, when i have issues or i'm feeling my friends' pain, i try to deal with it on my own. Obviously i'm a slow learner, because this has happened soooo many times, and every time i come to the same conclusion: I can not deal with ANYTHING without God to lean on!!!!! I finally went to God in tears, i opened up my heart and said "i can't do this on my own, i need you're help! Take these burdens from me" so he did, and i woke up feeling 20lbs. ligther than i did the day before. It's at times like these that i wonder how anyone could deny that God is real! I really don't want to think about who i'd be without God or his amazing love. It makes me want soooo much more for my friends to have the satisfaction of knowing that God loves them. I pray that he will give me the oppurtunity to lead them to him.

I just want to say I'm Sorry to anyone who might have noticed me acting differently these past few weeks. Once again, i've been dealing with a lot, but i know that's no excuse...please forgive me!!!!

What if????

2008-11-02T15:30:00.000-08:00

What would life be like if everyone bit there tongue when they were upset? What if, when someone said something cruel, we just held in our retorts and said something uplifting instead? What if we all saw that one person that was always alone, and instead of ignoring them we went to them and made a new friend? What if we loved everyone unconditionally, even our enemies? What if we went around with the intention of lifting ppl up higher than ourselves? What if our first thoughts in the morning was "How can i make Jesus proud" rather than "how can i make myself more comfortable"? What if we put others in front of ourselves? What if we longed for every second to honor God with our thoughts and actions? What if every person had God's compassion for the hurting? What if ppl cared about the hungry? What if we actually acted on the pull in our hearts towards the hurting? What if, on Christmas day, instead of sitting home and opening our gifts, we grasped the meaning of giving and actually gave to ppl who need it? What if we gave our excess food to the poor rather than getting fat on it? What if we forgave those who have hurt us as easily as we hold grudges? What if everyone cared about everyone else?

What then? Well, we would live in a perfect world, with no mistakes But also no chances to learn and grow. But everyday...do we strive to help others and live for God, or do we live for ourselves and strive to make ourselves more comfy and secure in our stuff? Every second of every day we need to live to it's fullest, with no regrets. There ARE people watching...they see how we love, how we respond to our enemies, how we respect or disrespect others. And what they see can either turn them to or away from God. When we're going about our daily lives we need to stop and think "who can i help right now?" and maybe we can make someones day a little better! :)

My song!

2008-10-21T14:57:00.000-07:00

ok i've never done this before, but i'd like to share a song that i wrote with you all! i thought of it because i'm not exactly at a high point in my life as i'm sure you've gathered from my last couple of posts, but i have a lot of friends who are going through difficult stuff too, and not just the phsycological stuff i've been dealing with either. I have multiple friends whose parents are having issues, and i can tell it's really wearing them out. So this song was made with them in mind...and with the thought of how grateful i am that i have friends and that we can lean on eachother and help eachother through difficult times.

On a path that may go left, right, up, or down
Someone i love is always around.
To know that you care would be enough for me,
But no matter the mood,
You keep loving me!

So i want you to know,
Im not letting go!
Together we can make it out of here!

Today and tomorrow,
Through pain and the sorrow.
we'll do this together forever and ever!
I'll be here for you!
You'll be there for me!
we'll make it through
Just wait and see!!
In a world where the rumors fly 'round easily
the pain becomes less knowing that you trust me!
I see that your hurting it's plain in your eyes
I'll love you forever now here's your surprise...

Today and tomorrow,
Through pain and the sorrow.
we'll do this together forever and ever!
I'll be here for you!
You'll be there for me!
we'll make it through
Just wait and see!!

Love is patient, love is kind
it's not easily angered,
Love protects, trusts, and hopes,
love perseveres
No self-seeking, boasting, envy, pride,
but most of all...
LOVE NEVER FAILS!

Today and tomorrow
Through pain and the sorrow.
We'll do this together, forever and ever!
I'll be here for you.
You'll be here for me.
...
And together we can make it out of here!!!!!

So there you have it...comment and let me know what you think!!!! :)

Wishes

2008-10-06T16:06:00.000-07:00

Wow! it's been a while!...i think i start all my blogs like that! LOL! sorry i haven't been very constant with my blogging! it's been super busy!

So anyways...I don't really know what's been going on with me lately. I've had soo many questions about things, i filled 5 pages in my journal of questions the other day! i don't even know what half of them were anymore i just know it took a long time to write down everything! i feel like i'm drifting from God but not intentionally (i'm getting this out there because i want you guys to let me know if you notice me acting differently!) I feel like i'm getting pulled into the whirl pool of junk in the world without actually doing anything wrong...at least i don't think im doing anything wrong. My heart longs to be so close to God, to do everything he wants me to, and to always be faithful. I know that's not possible because I'm human and everyone makes mistakes, it just is so hard when i see adults going around seeming like they never make mistakes and if they do they don't come out and say it, they just keep it to themselves or pretend it didn't happen (i'm not talking about anyone specific just in general, adults seem to be perfect and never make mistakes) I guess when i look to my role models, i wonder how they manage to go through a day that would put me in a bad mood and still be there for others and try to make their day better. I guess now i'm talking about DC. The other week he let us know he was having a bad day, but he still manages to be there for anyone who needs it and still tries to help them. I can see Jesus so clearly when i look at him and it amazes me! i long for that to be what others see when they look at me but i don't know if that's the impression given off or if i just look like a goody-two-shoes who is nice to the people that everyone else despises. I wish that i could see what others see in me. But all i can do is keep living everday for God and praying that others will see God through me. i'm so thankful that God has put such amazing people in my life because i don't even want to think where i'd be without the gentle nudge from my friends and family when im straying or the weekly talks with DC after Oasis (sorry, GSM) God is soooo good! I long to honor him but i so often feel as though i'm just taking away from the honor he deserves.

I want to get this out in case it can help someone else out there. I realized the other day that when i think of God i think of GOD who created the universe and does all these incredible miracles and cares about me but there's always someone ahead of me in line. I know that's not true. He is my FATHER! He loves me more than i could ever imagine and nothing i could do would make Him love me any less or any more! All that He does or doesn't do is for my benefit in the long run! He sees the whole picture and He will do what he knows is best for me! And He will never leave no matter how distant i may feel. It is not Him going away, but me! He is the father with His loving arms outstretched for His prodigal...daughter to run back into! And that is what i will do time and time again! I will run into His outstretched hands and cling tight to the one who will never leave me. I pray that is what we will all do...And we will live every second to it's greatest potential with no regrets!

Sincerely, Meg

The Creepy Crawler

2008-09-11T17:34:00.000-07:00

I bet you didn't know catepillars shed!! Yes i said shed, as in hair, like a dog. I'll explain.

So yesterday, we're in the car driving home from cross country practice and Lauren, one of the girls in the carpool, looked to her left and screamed! "Ahhhhh! There's a catepillar!" We all look towards the window she was pointing at and sure enough there was a greenish-yellowish, very hairy catepillar. It was about halfway up so I asked my mom to open the window (it was in the back so it didn't roll down, it opened out!) and I poked it with a stick to try and get it to fly out! Yeah, ummm, it didn't fly out(It wasn't a butterfly yet:). It flew into the trunk...on my backpack! I reached back tried to pick it up three-ish times but each time I would try I would grab at the top and all that came up was hair, catepillar hair, a ton of it! So eventually I realized I needed to grab lower so that the whole catepillar would come up...yes, I'm a little slow, so what??? I finally picked it up and stuck my hand out so that Deegan and Rachel could see it, they weren't expecting it and screamed, haha! My bad! Hunter took it from me then and rolled down his window in front. (Why he got the front and I got the back I couldn't tell you.) He exclaimed "I hope he likes flying!" and let him go!!! Yeah I know, it's a horrible thing to do to a little feller that did nothing to me but...he shed all over my backpack! HAHA! How 'bout a moment of silence for that poor thing...ok silence over!

Now from the little guys point of veiw:

So I was in this hay stack that got bundled around me, it's a horrible feeling! But anyways i got out alive, but I was no longer on the farm, I was in some strange gray colored prison with soft fuzzy stuff all over everything(car). I went to the side and started climbing towards the only thing that looked familiar...the sky! When I finally reached where I had seen the sky I realized that there was a hard see through thing(window) preventing my escape. But I decided to keep climbing just in case there was an opening. About halfway up I heard a scream behind me, very loud and obnoxious, fallowed by some unintelligable mumbling that the giants use to communicate. All the sudden, the sea-through thing opened and there was a great amount of wind, so much that I was almost blown away but I managed to hold on...that is, until a stick was pushed under me and I was blown right back to where I started, only I landed on a soft-hard thing! (a back pack- I know that doesn't make sense but oh well!) I started back to the side to begin climbing again only to be deterred by a large pokey thing connected to a giant (hand) it continuosly came at me pulling out my hair for humiliation before picking me up! It moved forward, handing me to another ugly giant, while two other, other giants screamed and laughed at me. The Ugly one rolled down the clear thing and mumbled more unintelligable stuff and then tossed me out. I landed hard, I believe it broke all of my feet (yes catepillars have more than two) and had to slither like those freakish beasts that call themselves our cousins(snakes) all the way back here to you!!!

There you have it...the story of the shedding catepillar from both points of veiw! The stuff in the parenthesis were for your benefit, they weren't something the Catepillar said! I hope you enjoyed!!!!!

Toodles!

School/storms

2008-08-11T10:21:00.001-07:00

I am soooooo excited for school! I know its not often you hear that.....but I'm pumped! For us it begins in 2 days, on August 13. My birthday is also coming up, on the 19th, so as you can imagine im kinda pumped about that too! We just went to Discovery to set up lockers and stuff and i got to show Hunter around and figure out how to get to his classes. I think I'm the most excited on in my family:)

Oh my word! That storm the other night was AMAZING! I was talking to my friend about it and laughing at how different our responses were! She was in her basment till midnight and I was on my deck watching the amazing brilliance of the lightning and listening to the low grumblings of thunder. I love storms! they used to freak me out and now I think they're one of the most beautiful things of creation. I love that they show off God's awesome majesty and power. It's scary to think that something as beautiful as lightning or fire can devour you in a second, and yet I'm fascinateed by both! I love it!
Gotta Scram (Kem that was for you!)

Confused!!!

2008-07-15T09:15:00.000-07:00

So, we're supposed to live for God every second of every day, right? well how do you do that when all you're doing is hanging out with friends or reading a book or just taking a jog? Does that mean that we just have him in mind while we're doing everything, cuz if that's it I have a lot of work to do, or asking ourselves what would Jesus do?? I want my life to be lived for God and every second to count, but if I died tomorrow...would i be satisfied with what i have accomplished, or would i be filled with regret about what i didn't? That's a tough question. But i think it would be the latter. I do help people and i always try to cheer people up when they're down, but my heart longs to do something more. To change the world! That's why I want to become a singer, i want people to come to my concerts and the money to be given to the poor! But what do I do NOW? How do i bring the kingdom down here...TODAY? what is my purpose?

Camp Adventure!

2008-07-12T12:04:00.000-07:00

I just got back from CA '08! It was so much fun!!!!!!! However i somehow managed to break my collar bone/clavicle on day one! I made a ton of new friends and...you probably want to know how I did it. well, we were doing "valley games" (games after dinner in the valley) and the game was partner tag. Somebody was it and someone was getting chased, everyone else was connected to a partner by the elbow (i don't know how else to explain it) except in our case there was multiple pairs going at the same time. I was being chased and was goin as fast as i could anda girl fell in front of me, (you can probably see where this is going) I tried to jump over her but was going to fast and couldn't do it in time. I kind of flipped over her and landed on my shoulder. I was trying to be tough and just sat up and smiled even though it hurt really bad, Steph asked me if I could lift it and that's when the tears came so the answer, obviously, was no I couldn't. I was taken to the hospital or ER whichever you want to call it. Oh and yes the bone WAS sticking out and still is thouh not as bad. All they've done for me so far is give me a sling for my arm I'm not sure if they'll do anything else, I have an appointment on Monday.

The rest of the week was a blast! I made new friends and was closer to the girls in my cabin then i would be otherwise considering that they had to help me change, do my hair and a lot more. My group was amazing, most likely the best! I couldn't do many of the activities but I had fun watching everyone else do them. Friday I did the ropes course which was amazing! I did it one handed, duh, and when i got to the end (the zipline) they told me that i couldn't do it, so i was kinda bummed but i got to go down by rope kind of like you woul go down a rock wall only without the wall to push off of. It was definitely my favorite week of the summer! I LOVE CAMP ADVENTURE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Happy 4th!

2008-07-04T10:36:00.000-07:00

Wow It's the 4th of July! yay! We have some people coming over and I'm super excited. My dad's doing the fireworks again...yikes! I love the feeling I get on Holidays! I feel like "It is good" Like God said when he was done creating the world, like all is right and for one day we can forget about the troubles of the world. For one day we can remember the good things God has done for us and how he has provided and forget about the worries of the world! I only hope that those with out a home or a place to lay their head will have the same feel ing that I do now: That God will provide that regardless of what our troubles may be we always can count on God because he is good and just!

Declare his glory among the nations, his marvelous deeds among all peoples.
For great is the LORD and most worthy of praise; he is to be feared above all gods.
~1 Chronicles 16:24-25

Relationships...

2008-07-01T11:19:00.000-07:00

I love my friends but wow middle school love between two of my friends...wow! that's really all I can say. One of my amazing friends Lexi just got a boyfriend, Cole, and they go back and forth with "you're cuter, no you're cuter, no you're cuter, no you're cuter!" it's really annoying. I hope I don't EVER get like that...I would die!

Last night Lauren spent the night, that's always fun! We watched Cinderella Story... I love that movie! it's the perfect example of how a guy should treat a girl. When they finally meet and they're under the trellis thing, he tries to take off her mask to see who she really is, she flinches back because she doesn't want him to take it off and so he backs off! He totally respects her wishes and doesn't try it again! That's exactly how a guy should treat a girl it's so sweet and it shows the girl that he respects her...that's one of the problems with a lot of the guys today. And don't get me wrong there are a lot of guys who have been brought up great and they're great guys and nice and respectful, but they're often hard to find in all the masks people walk around in. I think it's a great movie!

Move '08

2008-06-28T17:22:00.000-07:00

I just got back from my mission trip! Wow! It was SOOOOOOO much fun. Wednesday we got to the Marriot (downtown) at 6:30pm to kinda get to know people and to settle in. I roomed with Alex Bowers and Sam Petersen. We had several very interesting conversations in that room...I'm just gonna leave it at that! hahahaha! We didn't have a leader because one of them got sick last minute and they had to put somebody without an adult... they did check up on us every night before bed and made sure we were awake every morning.

Thursday we went to Faith Mission and worked in the warehouse for the thrift store. We shifted the boxes and sorted things between clothes, shoes, bags, hats, furniture, and "brick brack" as the employees called the junk that they were going to sell. we also came upon two dead rats one who had guts strewn all over and had been squashed by a ginormous carpet. That was really fun! We got a tour of Faith Mission from this guy who seemed a little pessimistic but that was still interesting. After that we had a sort of picnic lunch outside under a tree and then left for our next destination, Hannah's House. Hannah's House is a place for pregnant teens and women who have nowhere else to go. while we were there Sam, Alex, and I cleaned window sills(and I noticed that dead bugs make funny noises when you squish them.) We also cleaned fan blades, the porch furniture and cleaned as well as sorted the kitchen pantry. The ladies there were very appreciative of the stuff we were doing and made the team cookies that we could eat while we were working, they were AMAZING! When we got back to the hotel we went swimming, ate at the mall and then went to bed.

Friday, to start off the day, we went to Center for the Homeless and some of us weeded and planted flowers (Chris, Austin, Sam, Alison, Dr. phil, and I) while everyone else layed down tarp around 6 gardens and spread 15 tons of gravel around it. Chris and I were talking while he was digging up dirt to plant his flower and I commented that the mud he was pulling up looked like poop and thought it was awesome! (sorry I have a kinda gross mind) He laughed and asked if I lived on a farm or if i had a friend who lived on a farm, I said no and he was like "then how are you so cool?!" I was like "cool meaning I join in on all the guy humor?" and he said "yeah!" and i told him that i have 2 little brothers. Basically he was saying that he appreciated all my guy humor, that definitely made me feel good that someone does appreciate it because I know it gets on Sam's nerves. when he was done I planted my flower which everyone was making fun of because it was broken in three different places (It wasn't my fault...it came like that.) After we were done there we went to Hope Mission and had a picnic with some people that we picked up on the way and then got wet in this splash pad thing. while Hayley:) (that's how she always writes her name)and I went over to this other pavilion with our leader, Alison, and made braid-thingy-mabobs with the kids from a neighborhood nearby. Then we went to the basketball court and played the first thirty seconds of a game before we had to leave. That night we went to Chipewa Bowling and played three games without bumpers :( The first one I got last the second one I got first and the third one I don't remember because I was ready to go home by then and was thinking up all the weird ways you can bowl. i have no idea how i went from last to first in one game...so don't ask. hehehe!

Saturday we went to Manowe all day and the group I was in, painted cabins, ourselves, and any spiders we saw. On the ride back(over an hour on a school bus) we sang fun songs learned at camp and any other place. Some of the people got a bit annoyed because we sang one song probably more than a hundred times as fast as possible. It was the one that we all sang(or at least I did) when we were little that goes "I am a C, I am a C-H, I am a C-H-R-I-S-T-I-A-N. And I have C-H-R-I-S-T in my H-E-A-R-T and i will L-I-V-E E-T-E-R-N-A-L-L-Y!" We ended the whole trip at GCC for the 5:30 service and went home after that.

Over all it was a great expeerience and I'm soooooooo glad that I went. I'll put pictures up later but there is a few on DC Curry's Blog: http://dccurry.blogspot.com/.

New Blog-eee

2008-06-24T10:37:00.000-07:00

ok so i'm new at this thing so don't critique me tooo much for now. i plan to blog every now and then but it probably won't be consistant. Yea! i'm sooooooo excited!